It only took about two minutes of death scrolling on social media to realize that it is homecoming season. My hometown school, Roosevelt (Johnstown), among many other high schools, had theirs this last weekend. I first attended homecoming as a junior at Valley High School 45-freakin’-years ago. Time flies, and I am that old.
Gunny sack dresses and powder blue tuxes have yielded to are you really going to let her wear that dress?! She won’t be able to sit down. Accompanied by Chuck Taylors that match the dress. And somehow posses more fabric. Guys, well, the guys looked like dorks 45 years ago and they look like dorks today. So that hasn’t changed.
I won’t live another 45-years. Thank goodness. But I sill let my imagination go wild and tried to predict what HoCo might look like in 2069. Here’s my peak into the crystal ball.
Virtual Reality Dances: Because Why Actually Show Up?
Remember when showing up to Homecoming meant squeezing into a suit that didn’t quite fit, praying your rental shoes wouldn’t give you blisters, and enduring hours of small talk with people you didn’t even like? Well, good news: in the future, you won’t even have to leave the house! In 45 years, Homecoming will be a fully immersive virtual reality experience. Forget awkward gym decorations—now, you can choose whatever backdrop you want. A tropical beach? The surface of Mars? Who cares! Nothing says “school spirit” like doing the Macarena in zero gravity.
Sure, you’ll be sitting in your living room wearing VR goggles and waving your hands around like an idiot, but hey, at least you won’t have to endure the horror of actually asking someone to dance. Need a break from social interaction? Just hit the mute button. You’ll be able to program your avatar to finally achieve that perfect body you lied about on your dating profile.
Corsages and Boutonnieres: Delivered by Drone
In 2069, forget about pinning a wilted flower to your date’s chest. No, corsages and boutonnieres will be delivered straight to your door by drone. That’s right, your robotic flower will arrive with all the charm and charisma of a flying Amazon package, leaving you one less thing to worry about on Homecoming day.
Because really, why have an actual human touch involved in this ancient ritual when you can have an emotionless drone drop it on your doorstep? If we’re lucky, by then, the flowers will also be genetically modified to never wilt—because heaven forbid a flower dies before the night’s over. Of course, these “forever flowers” will be customizable, with LED lights and holographic displays. Because, you know, subtlety is dead.
The Homecoming Game: Streaming Live From the Couch
In 45 years, the traditional Homecoming football game won’t be held in some overcrowded stadium with cold bleachers and questionable concession food. Nope, the Homecoming game will be live-streamed directly to your holographic wall display, where you can watch the action from the comfort of your smart couch. Want to “be” in the stands? No problem—just tune into the virtual bleachers, where your avatar can cheer, jeer, or even throw digital hot dogs without leaving a mess.
No more freezing your butt off in the stands or sitting through endless chants from the high school band. Oh, and let’s not forget about the “cheerleaders,” who will probably be a squad of hyper-athletic robots programmed to perform stunts that would make Cirque du Soleil look like amateur hour. And don’t worry, if the game gets boring, you can always switch over to another reality where your team is winning. Because that’s what Homecoming’s all about, right? Winning… or pretending to?
Homecoming King and Queen: Selected by AI
Now, this is where things get really good. The Homecoming King and Queen? In the future, no one will be elected through those old-fashioned, popularity-driven votes. Oh no, we’re going full tech on this. The titles will be determined by artificial intelligence, with algorithms scouring social media posts, school performance, and even your online shopping habits to decide who’s worthy of the crown.
It’s basically like being judged by a tech overlord who’s less concerned with your social standing and more about how many likes your posts get on the latest social media platform. And don’t think for a second that you can cheat the system—AI sees all, knows all. One bad Instagram caption from 2066, and you’re out of the running, pal. Imagine the smugness of the AI-crowned Homecoming King as his hologram accepts the crown while you’re stuck sulking at home, VR goggles strapped to your face. What a virtual loser.
The Afterparty: Now in the Metaverse!
Remember the afterparties where half the class would show up at someone’s house, drink questionable beverages, and pretend they knew how to have fun? Well, not anymore. In 2069, the Homecoming afterparty will take place in the Metaverse. And no, it won’t be a bunch of teenagers awkwardly dancing in someone’s basement. It will be a fully curated virtual experience, complete with celebrities (well, their holograms) DJ-ing while everyone floats around as avatars. And yes, you’ll still probably feel awkward—because even in the future, some things never change.
And here’s the best part: if you didn’t actually want to go to the party, you could send a virtual stand-in—an AI clone of yourself programmed to say all the right things and make you look cooler than you actually are. And let’s be honest, that’s all any of us ever wanted from Homecoming in the first place, right?
The Future of Nostalgia
Forty-five years from now, Homecoming will have fully transformed from an evening of forced fun into a dystopian hybrid of technology and tradition. The once-simple joys of high school football, awkward slow dances, and questionable outfit choices will be replaced with virtual hangouts, drone deliveries, and AI decision-making. But hey, maybe that’s progress?
Or maybe we’ll all just long for the days when Homecoming was simple and human… even if it meant suffering through awkward small talk and watered down punch. Either way, in 45 years, one thing’s for sure: you won’t recognize Homecoming, but at least you won’t have to leave the house. Welcome to the future, folks. It’s gonna be weird.
