Ah, fall in Colorado—the season when men’s fashion goes from “I forgot to check the weather” to “I couldn’t care less.” If you think you’re just going to throw on a jacket and call it a day, congratulations, you’ve officially failed Colorado 101. Fall here is not a season; it’s a mood swing with altitude. You don’t just dress for the temperature. No, no—you dress for the temperature, the wind, the altitude, the chance of snow, and whatever else Colorado decides to throw your way.
The Art of Layering (AKA, Looking Like You’ve Been Regurgitated by a Patagonia Ad )
Layering isn’t just for fancy catalogs. Here, it’s a strategic play for survival, especially when you’re one second away from losing all feeling in your extremities. You’ve got to embrace the chaos—start with a base layer, maybe some Smartwool (because regular wool clearly doesn’t charge enough). Then throw on a hoodie, because you need something that says “I’m casual, but also freezing.” But the pièce de résistance? A puffer jacket. Not just any puffer jacket—one that’s absurdly expensive and can pack down into a size so small you’ll lose it the first time you take it off.
Let’s be clear: If you aren’t wearing at least four layers, you’re doing it wrong. Anything less and you’re just asking to be outed as a tourist. And don’t forget—each layer needs to come off smoothly. Because nothing says “Colorado local” like disrobing in the middle of a brewery because the sun made an unexpected appearance.
Flannel: Because It’s a Rule
Here’s the thing about flannel in Colorado: You’re not really given a choice in the matter. You will own flannel. It will happen, and you will wear it whether you want to or not. You could try to resist, but the state of Colorado will find out, and soon enough you’ll be wearing a plaid shirt that’s so thick you could sand wood with it.
The real kicker is that flannel’s not even that comfortable—it’s basically just itchy pajamas masquerading as outerwear. But hey, it makes you look like you could cut down a tree without cutting off your own arm, which is half the battle. Pair it with some jeans that don’t make you look like you’re hiding a tent in your pockets, and boom—you’re practically a fashion icon. Well, a fashion icon for Colorado. Let’s not get crazy here.
Footwear: Because Apparently, You’re Always Hiking
Let’s talk about your boots, which I know you’ve already got covered because apparently in Colorado, there’s always a hike within five minutes of any location. Ditch the actual hiking boots unless you want to look like you’ve been wandering the backcountry all week. Opt for some leather boots that say, “Yeah, I could scale a mountain, but today I’m just grabbing a sandwich.”
And, of course, these boots need to be waterproof. Why? Because in Colorado, it might snow, rain, and hail, all in the time it takes to walk to your car. You want a boot that can handle it all but still look decent when you sit down for a happy hour IPA. Danner and Red Wing are solid choices, but let’s face it, by mid-November they’ll be so covered in mud and road salt that no one will be able to tell what brand you’re wearing anyway.
The Vest: A Piece of Clothing for People Who Don’t Understand Clothing
Vests. Let’s talk about vests, shall we? It’s like someone, somewhere, decided that men didn’t need sleeves in cold weather. Whoever they were, they should be arrested. And yet, every fall, guys throw on their puffiest, most ridiculously stuffed vests and walk around as if they’ve solved some kind of unsolvable equation: “Warm chest, cold arms… perfection.”
Listen, if you insist on wearing a vest, at least make sure it fits, okay? The last thing you need is a vest that makes you look like you’re trying to smuggle a couch cushion under your shirt. Pair it with something simple, like a basic long-sleeve tee or even a flannel. (See? I told you the flannel would get you.) Just make sure your arms don’t freeze and fall off because that will definitely ruin the whole “rugged outdoorsman” vibe you’re going for.
Hats: Yes, You Still Have to Wear One
Finally, let’s address hats. Now, I know what you’re thinking—“I don’t need a hat; my hair looks fine.” Wrong. You do need a hat. And it’s not because of your hair, but because it’s fall in Colorado, and without a hat, you might as well wear a sign that says “I’ve never lived in a cold climate before.”
A beanie is your best bet, especially one that doesn’t slouch so far down the back of your head that you look like a cartoon character. Pick something in a neutral color—gray, black, navy—because we’re trying to look classy here, not like a ski lodge threw up on you. If you want to up your game, grab a felt hat from Filson or Stetson and watch how fast people stop assuming you’re from California.
Final Thoughts: Try to Keep Up
At the end of the day, men’s fall fashion in Colorado is basically a contest to see how many layers you can wear without looking like the Michelin Man. It’s a balancing act between surviving the elements and not embarrassing yourself in public. But hey, if you can manage to look halfway decent while avoiding hypothermia, I’d say you’re winning.
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